Choose Your Words Carefully

Editing & Writing Tips

Monthly Guest Blog for T. Denise Clary

This month's topic:

Choose Your Words Carefully
         By Jennifer Moody

“The difference between the almost right word 
and the right word is the difference between 
the lightning bug and the lightning.”
~Mark Twain

I read a lot of books (it goes with the territory). I’m open to pretty much any genre (except the really scary horror stuff … I’m a big chicken). Authors who have a true, molded gift for writing can blow me away with their work. Sadly, that doesn’t happen as often as I’d like. But oh when it does … I question whether I’m talented enough to read my Kindle while driving down the interstate. (I don’t, of course. Kids – don’t try this at home, er, on the road…)

My daughter makes fun of me because I often refuse to read books that everyone is raving about. Oh, I’ll read them … later. I don’t know why, but I don’t want to read them when everyone else is reading them. So I wait … and read them six months later when all the hootin’ and hollerin’ has subsided. (Twilight and The Hunger Games are two that come to mind.)

Then there are books that I know I will never read, no matter how much people rave about them. For example, I had NO plans of reading 50 shades of anything whatsoever. Everyone I knew was reading it and asking me if I had (um, no), but when will I (um, never). I didn’t care how well it was selling; I know darn well that sales don’t always have anything to do with the quality of work. It wasn’t until an Editor/Author friend asked me if I’d read it to give her my opinion (she wanted to know “what’s the big whoopin’ deal with this book?”) that I relented. By chapter five I could no longer take the horrible word repetition. I could not sit back and just read because every time she described something and followed it with “…oh my,” I thought … Ugh, she said it again! Why didn’t her Editor tell her she’s saying “oh my” too many times?!

It happens 72 times in the book, y’all. SEVENTY-TWO TIMES.

...Enough about that. The point here is, when you’re writing, choose your words carefully. Read, reread, write, rewrite. I know, I know, I’m always saying that, but seriously, think about the picture you’re painting. See if you can re-word it in a way that makes the reader form his own image, rather than always doing it for him.

“Don't tell me the moon is shining;
show me the glint of light on broken glass.”
~Anton Chekhov

The world needs more Anton Chekhovs. You’re out there. I’ve read your work (even if they weren’t talking about it on the morning show; in fact, especially if they weren’t talking about it).

Thank you, to all the wonderful writers out there, for sharing your gift with the world.

Jen

Jennifer Moody is a Professional Editor and the Owner of MoodyEdits. To learn more about Jen, visit her website at www.MoodyEdits.com. You might enjoy her take on living a happy life, on her blog “Editing My Life One Day at a Time” at www.MoodyEdits.blogspot.com. And if you wanted to be nice, you could like her Facebook page at www.facebook.com/MoodyEdits.

Grammar Geek Gripe - The Apostrophe

Editing & Writing Tips

Monthly Guest Blog for T. Denise Clary

This month's topic:

Grammar Geek Gripe - The Apostrophe

I was trying to come up with a GREAT topic for this month’s Guest Blog, but after seeing THREE “let’s add apostrophe-s to make our noun a plural” signs in the past couple of weeks…

 

…I’m feeling a very strong need to talk about apostrophes today.

 I’m a Grammar Geek (some might go as far as to say Grammar Nazi). I can’t help it. I’ve been proofing and editing since 1999 … it’s ingrained at this point. I do realize that the majority of the world passes by such signs without a second look. In some ways that’s good, being oblivious, but this blog is for those of us who write for a living so let’s discuss a few apostrophe rules.

Nothing gets under my grammar geek skin more than an apostrophe incorrectly placed, or the wrong apostrophe-type word used. We’ve all had conversations about there/their/they’re. In fact, a Facebook friend tagged MoodyEdits recently in this funny:

(While it did crack me up, I couldn’t stop myself from pointing out that the period after “Nazi” should be a comma, and there should be a period at the end. Ha! The point, however, was nicely made. Moving right along…)

 

Let’s / Lets

Last August, Old Navy reprinted thousands of college team shirts because of an apostrophe catastrophe…

They had to, really. How would it look if thousands of COLLEGE kids were walking around sporting grammatical errors?

(I wonder if Old Navy added an Editor to their staff after this mishap.)

 

It’s / Its

Ugh… it pains me, PAINS me, to read this sign:

I think this has to be my biggest apostrophe-whine… using it’s for the possessive. It’s is a contraction for it is—nothing else—ever—under any circumstance. If it is to be possessive, there is NO apostrophe. End of story. Unbendable rule. Please help me spread the word.

 

“It’s important to put an apostrophe in its proper place.”

(I wish the world would learn this simple sentence.)

Okay, I could go on for days … you’re/your, who’s/whose … but you get the point. (And I know T Denise Clary’s readers feel my pain.) So I’m going to step down off my soapbox. It’s (notice the correct usage) a beautiful day. Let’s (there it is again) go out and enjoy it!

Be blessed!

Jen

Jennifer Moody is a Professional Editor and the Owner of MoodyEdits. To learn more about Jen, visit her website at www.MoodyEdits.com. You might enjoy her take on living a happy life, on her blog “Editing My Life One Day at a Time” at www.MoodyEdits.blogspot.com. And if you wanted to be nice, you could like her Facebook page at www.facebook.com/MoodyEdits.

Just Write!

It's time for the o' monthly guest blog, Editing & Writing Tips, that I do for T. Denise Clary. This month's message is about breaking the rules once in a while. :) I hope you enjoy it!

Just Write!

by: Jennifer Moody

I have several ideas for this guest blog that T Denise Clary has invited me to do here monthly. Some are editorial and grammar related, and I started putting one together but couldn’t get into the groove. I wasn’t in the mood. I just was not in the mood to tell you do’s and don’ts. I felt like my hair was in a tight bun and my glasses were on the tip of my nose as I looked over them sternly at you. I just felt like writing something fun. Sooo… that’s my topic this month: 

Write what you want, write what you feel … just write!

Seriously… sometimes you have to break the rules (be it the “official” ones or your own) and just do what feels right. I went on Google and searched “writing rules for fiction” and Google found about 122 million (I love how Google says “about”) search results. My jaw dropped. That’s a lot of rules. And assuming each result probably has multiple rules (I didn’t click on anything but I bet they’re mostly lists) it’s probably safe to say it’s closer to a billion. Who the heck made all these? A bunch of bossy people would be my guess. And to that I say… pishaaaaah!! (If you’re from my generation, sing a little Twisted Sister with me… “We’re not gonna take it, oh no, we ain’t gonna take it…”)

Rules exist for a reason, and writing rules have their own very good reasons. And hey, I’m not a complete writing-rule-rebel … I’m an Editor for goodness sake. It’s just that sometimes rules need to be ignored so you can do what it is that you do … freelance writing. Sometimes, if you set the rule book up on a high shelf, and sit down and write from your heart, you might find that you’ve created the best piece of work in your writing history. Some of the most interesting, entertaining books I’ve ever read were major writing rule breakers. You just never know what you might create if you let yourself be a little rebel once in a while. (I swear, now I’m singing Billy Idol’s Rebel Yell. Somebody pull me out of the 80s.)

So, if you have a story idea in your head that you KNOW would be so cool told in the first person (insert scary music), or some other story idea that is one of the big rule breakers you’ve heard a hundred times, I say just do it! G’head – do it! Who’s going to stop you? There’s no writing police looking over your shoulder as you type. The best way to write is to actually WRITE, and if you have a desire to write something in a nonconforming way, give it a shot and see what happens. Worst case scenario it stinks and you chunk it. So what? You still had fun. And you get that ten year old story idea to quit tickling your brain.

Next month I’ll probably have my glasses on the tip of my nose, giving you stern looks. This time though … I felt like letting my hair down.

Happy writing, everyone!

Jen

Jennifer Moody is a Professional Editor and the Owner of MoodyEdits. To learn more about Jen, visit her website at www.MoodyEdits.com. You might enjoy her take on living a happy life, on her blog “Editing My Life One Day at a Time” at www.MoodyEdits.blogspot.com. And if you wanted to be nice, you could like her Facebook page at www.facebook.com/MoodyEdits.

Writing Tip - Start Off with a BANG!

I am very honored to be a part of 

T Denise Clary's new feature:

Editing & Writing Tips from Editor, Jennifer Moody 

Tune in for writing and editing tips
as I guest-blog monthly for a wonderful Writer. 

It's going to be faaaaaaabulous. :)

New feature...

I am excited to announce a new feature I have added to my blog...

Once a month, Editor Jennifer Moody will grace us with her expertise and offer practical and useful editing and writing tips, starting this month of February.  Enjoy and happy writing!

God Bless!

T Denise Clary  

Start Off With a BANG!

By Jennifer Moody 

I read a book recently that an Author asked me to read. I was about 40 pages into it and asked my husband if he would shoot me so I wouldn’t have to finish the book. Seriously … it was dropping dead, full of unnecessary details, going nowhere, and boring me to death. But I HAD to finish it—I was ASKED to read it, by this Author who’s a super nice person. I prayed that it would get better because I did NOT want to dodge the question if she later asked me what I thought of it.

Jen’s Little Side Note: There’s a reason I’m not a Book Reviewer. When I see negative reviews I cringe, especially when they’re not constructive. As a reader I can appreciate the honesty. Several times a block of bad reviews has saved me from wasting my time on a poorly written book. However, as a Writer, I feel for the Author on the receiving end. When I’m editing a book, it’s a different angle than reviewing. Often the book is still in progress, but even if it’s complete I am still in the position of giving direction with suggestions, constructive criticism, restructuring ideas, etc. With a review it’s just… What’d ya think? (Umm…)

Back to my story… I’m happy to report that this book DID get better. Somewhere around page 60 it’s like the Author found their groove and the story started coming together and getting interesting. I kept reading. And I’m SO glad I did because the story really was quite good. However, if it hadn’t been for the connection I have with the Author, I would have dropped that book like a bug. I’m fickle like that.

So it’s something to keep in mind—starting off with a bang—because if your reader is yawning 40 pages in, and they have a dozen other books on their e-reader waiting patiently, it’s very tempting to hit the “home” button and pick another one to entertain their mind.

If you’re a Writer currently working on a novel, take a good look at your beginning (or better yet, have someone else do it)… Is there a bang? A “hook” that grabs the reader and makes them turn the pages to find out what’s next? If not, consider revising it. I’m sure there are Writers reading this and thinking, “Uggggh… I’ve rewritten my novel a hundred times already!” …I know, I know, I’ve been there. And you DO have to get to a point where your work, like any piece of art, is DONE. Just make sure you’re at that point, or… what’s the point?

Jennifer Moody is a Professional Editor and the Owner of MoodyEdits. To learn more about Jen, visit her website at www.MoodyEdits.com. You might enjoy her take on living a happy life, on her blog “Editing My Life One Day at a Time” at www.MoodyEdits.blogspot.com. And if you wanted to be nice, you could like her Facebook page at www.facebook.com/MoodyEdits. :)

Are We Really Appreciating Our Blessings?

I sat down at my laptop with a cup of coffee for a little facebook scroll through posts from friends and acquaintances. At this moment life is peaceful, happy, relaxed. Scott and I have been getting ready for tomorrow's Super Bowl party where 30 of the people our lives are blessed with will come hang out for the game. About 30 seconds into my scroll I came across a post/picture from a friend asking for prayers for her friend's young son who's at Texas Children's Hospital. This beautiful child is dying, and the note with the picture, written by his mother, basically says just that... time has run out.

What I thought was going to be mindless reading/viewing, with likely giggles between sips of coffee (as is often the case with me and facebook), has turned into me questioning my appreciation of how blessed my life is. I am healthy, happy, employed. Scott and I have a good relationship, wonderful friends and family, amazing kids, a nice home. Our children are healthy, happy, and safe (my prayer to God every night).

And down the road at TCH, there is a family sitting around a hospital bed where a sweet boy, the same age as my younger daughter Laureli, has little time left. It makes you ask "Why?" And it makes you wonder why your life is spared such heartache. I often think that it's not that some are spared, but rather that it's not your heartache time of life right now. Some years later, who knows, you could be going through something terribly painful, and maybe when that's going on, this family will be experiencing great joy in their lives. I don't know if I'm right but since most people don't have 80 years of pure happiness and zero heartache, I think my theory is probably pretty close.

So as I finish my cup of coffee, and the deep thoughts I hadn't planned on thinking, I say to you... if your life is peaceful, happy, relaxed; stop what you're doing for 30 seconds and thank God. And if you know somebody who's hurting, say a prayer for them as well.

The picture below is Laureli and me last Christmas morning. The box is a gift from her to me ... it had a bunch of fuzzy socks in it. She knows how much I love fuzzy socks. :) This is one of my favorite pictures of us -- I just love how she's hugging me. Laureli is the BEST hugger I have ever known in my entire 43 years on this Earth. She hugs whole-heartedly, snuggles into the hug when she's giving you one, and says "I love you" freely and often. She is my sweet, precious gift from God and I will be grateful for her every day of my life.

Count your blessings. Love your loved ones. Be grateful for all you have.
Jen

Be Your Own Biggest Fan

“You is smaaaaart, you is kinnnnd, you is important.” 

…In the movie The Help, Aibileen teaches young Mae Mobley these three crucial self-values. (Click the quote to see the movie clip.) In real life, we would ALL be wise to say these words to ourselves regularly.

There is NO point in dwelling on past mistakes; woulda/coulda/shouldas will get you nowhere. Be proud of who you are. If it’s not who you want to be then be proud of the “you” that you’re working on. If you’re not working on a better “you” then GET MOVING. And then … be PROUD.

If it helps clarify/remind, make a bulleted list of your values. Hang it on the dang bathroom mirror. Read them often. Tell yourself you’re smart (work on improving your smarts if you feel the need), you’re kind (be sure to BE kind in every aspect of life), and you’re important (that’s the freebee– we’re ALL important in one way or another).

Do not EVER let someone else’s poor opinion of you have ANY value. I spent 11 years married to an emotionally and verbally abusive husband. Oh how he sucked the self-worth right out of me on a regular basis. I could kick myself for those wasted years. But I can’t go back so … moving right along. Today, NOBODY is allowed to do me that way.

Don’t you let anyone do you that way either. Give a fair warning to the world in general:

You will be forever banished from the World of [your name here] if you ever even TRY to bring me down, diminish my worth, devalue my importance,
or in any way be … a meanie. NO MEANIES ALLOWED.

Can’t be any clearer than that.

Once you’ve gotten rid of any self-esteem smashers, make sure that YOU'RE not one of them. Back to that “biggest fan” thing. Keep saying it… I AM SMARRRRRRRT, I AM KINNNNND, I AM IMPORTANT.

Alternative phrases to say to yourself: I roccccccccccck, I kick asssssss …………You get the idea.

Now go out there and be your biggest fan, your own emotional-bodyguard, and your own personal chipper-to-the-point-of-annoying cheerleader.

Life’s too short to sit around thinking you’re not freaking amazing.

Be blessed, y'all.

Jen

Don't Sweep with a Dirty Broom

Before you go trying to beautify your life's sub-sections -- job, love-life, relationships -- you need to clean up yourself first. Otherwise, you're just going to drag your "dirt" into those other sections and they'll never be what you want them to be. It's not them (the boss, the new love, or any other person you'd like to have a functional relationship with), it's you. And the sooner you realize that, and start working on cleaning up the "you," the more beautiful your life, as a whole, will be.
You alone are responsible for your happiness. You can make excuses until the cows come home, dwell on your past, or blame others for your current unhappiness; but only YOU can accept what it is/was, make the decision to move past it, and look eagerly into your future. Only you can grasp your life with both fists, take control over what it is, direct it toward what you want it to be, and take the first step to get there.

Only you.

So take that broom (that would be you) outside and bang the crap out of it until all the dirt and dust are gone, and it's nice and clean and in the condition it needs to be to do its job, and THEN go back inside and sweep all your rooms.

...This is my metaphorical kick in the ass for whoever might need it.

November was a doozy. I didn't blog once, and I'm not happy about that. (Notice how I'm not making any excuses about it, though.) I'm back in gear ... and apparently not in the mood to beat around the bush, walk on egg shells, or blow sunshine up any butts. I'm wearing my big girl panties. I highly recommend them.

I hope everyone has a great week! (And if you don't, really, whose fault is that?)
Rock your own world.
Jen

The Importance of Editing

I was thrilled to be asked by T Denise Clary 

to be a guest-blogger on her book blog. 

It was a first for me, and I really enjoyed not only writing it, 

but also answering her readers' questions.

If you have a minute, go check it out.

(Especially if you're a writer -- there's good stuff in there!)

And follow her blog as she's an oh-so-interesting lady!

Be Blessed! Be Happy!

Jen

The Importance of Editing – From an Editor’s Viewpoint

**For a limited time, Jennifer with MoodyEdits is offering a special discount on editing services. Scroll down to the bottom of the post for additional information**

Editor and Writer Jennifer Moody

I have been proofing other people’s work since 1999. When you edit for a living, you don’t get to turn it off at 5pm and go on with everyday life. The editor-eye is always searching. I have seen more errors on things that I don’t give a darn about… billboards on highways, banners on buildings, signs on doors… mistakes are everywhere. When I see one of these, I think, “Good LORD, didn’t you have somebody READ that before you made it 50 feet tall???” …Guess not.

When I’m editing to-be-published material (that would be the stuff I DO care about), it’s a whole different story. As a writer myself, I can relate to the writer’s position. I know from experience that no matter how many times you read through your own work, you’re going to miss something. (Right now I’m re-reading all this, thinking… if I have a mistake in this blog about editing that will look pretty sad! I probably will though, since it won’t be professionally edited. Whatchagonnado.)

While I offer a variety of editorial services, my bread-n-butter work is monthly national magazines. My normal editing process for a magazine feature goes something like this:

·         Read-1: I read through it first, just getting a feel for its flow. (I make corrections as I see them, but it’s not the point of the first-read.)

·         Read-2: Second read is done as a word-for-word, not really taking in the story on this round. (I catch a few more this way.)

·         Read-3: Then I officially turn on the eagle-eye and read again – fixing any errors I catch along the way. (This is also the round where sentence restructuring is done, should the client want heavy copy-editing, which my magazine clients do.)

·         Read-4: This round is done as a safety-net, because even editors miss things once in a while. (Hard to believe, I know; but alas, it is true.)

·         Read-5: Final round – I sit back and read it as a READER. (Usually there is some sentence restructuring here too.)

Five rounds of proofing for each feature—with perfection as the ultimate goal—is how you get a beautiful “book” (as they call it in the magazine world) in the end.

When editing a book to be submitted for publisher consideration, the process is a bit different, but the goal is the same… perfection. Because the last thing a publisher wants to see when considering a book, is a book filled with errors. If you didn’t care, why should they? There are too many people out there begging for their book to be considered, for the publisher to invest their time reading a book that the author didn’t invest in. You have to do your job first, or they’re going to put it down and pick up the next one. And what you end up with is a rejection letter…and a reputation.

Professional book editing runs about 1.5-2 cents per word (more if rewriting or ghost writing is involved). If you’re serious about getting your book published, it is the best investment you’ll ever make. When the publisher reads through your work, they won’t be putting it down and grabbing the next one. They’ll keep reading. That’s the goal—to keep ‘em reading—all the way to the end!

If you are self-publishing an e-book, the importance of proper editing is not lessened. Sure, it will be published either way; but now, instead of a publisher stumbling over errors, it’s the reader. And if your first readers are tripping and falling, they won’t finish it, they won’t recommend it to their friends, and they won’t write a good review (or even worse, they’ll write a bad one). If that happens, ALL your blood, sweat, and tears you put into your work was for nothing. Because it will sit on Amazon or Smashwords for months, with a handful of sales (at a few bucks each) and a couple of bad reviews. At that point it’s dead in the water. And not just that book… any book that e-publishes after that with the same author’s name, already has a strike against it. Readers won’t hit that “buy” button if they’ve already been bitten.

When you have invested so much into your work, do not skip the last step. Have an editor go through it with a fine-tooth comb, giving it that final polish so it shines. THEN publish it. If money is an issue, shop around. There are good editors out there offering slightly lower than average rates to build up their business. And know your options… such as paying for a chapter at a time rather than the entire book at once. When you get to pay for it in pieces it becomes way more affordable. You won’t get the editor’s input on the entire book’s flow, but you’ll get each chapter edited, which is a big step in itself.

Another option, if money is really tight, is joining a book writing group. I belong to one that meets twice a month. Writers bring single chapters of books they’re working on, and read them out loud (while the rest of the group follows along with their own printout). After the reading, we go around the table giving our input… page 3’s second paragraph is confusing, consider changing such-and-such so it flows better, etc. As an editor in a writers group, I sit there marking up my copy as I listen to the author read… editorial freebies.

Whichever editing route you take, it’s better than not taking it at all. The important thing is to make the investment in your work so it pays off. With any kind of product, if the quality isn’t high it won’t sell, or at least, not for long. A book is no different.


Jennifer Moody

www.MoodyEdits.com

www.MoodyEdits.blogspot.com

www.facebook.com/MoodyEdits

**SPECIAL OFFER** For a limited time, now until December 31, 2011, Jennifer with MoodyEdits will offer a special rate on her services to all T Denise Clary Book Blog Readers. She is offering to bill at a penny per word for single-chapter edits. Please contact her through her contact information above.

The Great (weekend) Escape!

Seems all we do day-in and day-out is hit the alarm clock, spend the majority of our waking hours at work, take care of the kids, cook dinner… Are we having fun yet? Sometimes you just have to go find some fun! It’s easier than you think.

If you’re like me, your calendar gets booked with obligatory events. Don’t get me wrong, most of the things on my calendar are there because I enjoy them, and want to attend. But seriously… sometimes I look at my calendar and just sigh. How did I get this booked up? Between work, family, kids, and volunteering, my calendar has something written on close to 25 of the squares each month. And when it gets to the point where the next four or five (or eight) weekend squares are filled in, I go out to the next blank weekend and block it out like this: FUN TIME! Then I turn to my husband and say, “Let’s get out of here.”

We try to take a real family vacation each summer. "Real” for us means 10-14 days, usually out of state. But during the rest of the year (when we’re building up our vacation days at work again) it’s the weekend get-aways that help us keep our sanity.

Sometimes it’s by plane, most times it’s by car, but the point is to get away from the hustle and bustle of our busy lives. Just a weekend of pure quality time together, with a heavy dose of relaxation.

If this sounds good to you, look on your calendar and go past the weekends where you’ve jotted down “Sally’s birthday party” and “Joe’s tournament.”  Keep doing this until you come to that weekend that is two blank squares. Did you find it? You know what to put there… FUN TIME! Next step: Make a plan. Camping with the kids, a Bed & Breakfast without them (I’m a big fan of that one). It doesn’t really matter what or where. The point is to “escape” for an overnighter. Or even better, use a couple comp hours and leave work early on a Friday so you can spend two nights away.

With today’s economy it can be difficult to squeeze a get-away into the budget. But because of the economy it’s also easier to find great deals on hotels and entertainment. Figure out what your budget can spare, and plan accordingly. Then book it, update your calendar, and pull that duffle bag out of the closet and shake off the dust! 

What do you do for a great weekend escape?

(I originally wrote this for the blog I used to do for the Houston Chronicle back in 2009, but thought it was worth reposting!)

A Podium - Scary Stuff

After reading Megan's blog, How to Jump in the Deep End, I felt inspired to do a little blogging myself this morning. (Thanks Megan!) If you follow Megan, you know how inspiring she can be. If you haven't read her stuff, you should go check her out.

I’ve never been the public speaker type. In high school I once took a zero for an oral report grade because I wouldn’t get up to read it to the class. Sad, I know. I have been known to say things like, “I can write a killer speech, but do not ask me to stand at the podium and read it.” (There’s just something about a podium that scared the bajeebers out of me.)

Well … I learned that a fear, even a long-time fear, isn’t necessarily a permanent one. Two years ago my Aunt asked me to do a reading at my cousin’s funeral service. My reaction was something like, “Me? You want ME to?” She said yes, but quickly added not if I’m uncomfortable, etc. I wanted to, God knows I did, but at that moment the fear had the bail on the tip of my tongue. I got a grip on it fast, and wouldn’t let myself take the out. I was honored that she asked me, that she wanted ME to do it. This was the funeral of her son – something I cannot fathom going through. It was important, and I didn’t want to say no. So I said yes, and went home with the printout of the reading and read it over and over and over forever before going to bed.

The next day at church my heart was beating a bit quicker than it normally does, and I found myself staring at that darn podium. I asked God to give me the strength to go up there and read this reading nice and clear to all of Kerry’s friends and family who came because they loved him so much. When I got the look/nod from the priest indicating it was my turn to go up, I stood up, walked down the row and up the aisle, climbed the steps, stood at the podium (insert scary music), and stared out at a sea of people all staring back at me. With the reading clutched tightly in my hand, I breathed … just fine actually. My heartbeat was normal.

I imagined (a more appropriate word would be – felt) the presence of God standing behind me, arms wrapped around me, with His face resting against the left side of my face. With a whispered “Okay, now go…” in my ear, I started reading. I think I spoke clearly. I felt choked-up but I know I didn’t cry. I remembered not to read too fast, and to pause in between phrases. I even looked out into the audience during the reading … a little.

That evening I saved the print-out in my Bible. It’s special to me mostly because I read it at Kerry’s service, but also because … I read it, at Kerry’s service. It was a turning point for me in the confidence department. A gift given to me by my Aunt, who doesn’t even know that she gave me something so special in a time of such heartache.

I’ve had to speak several times since then, and I’ve done just fine. Nobody ever makes fun of me. ...Imagine that. If you have the opportunity to face a long-time fear, give it a shot. You might be surprised at how well you do when you're no longer that scaredy cat from years ago.

Be blessed, everyone. LIVE your life. Take chances. Hug your kids. 
Jen

My Kaylie

I've been doing this “Mom” thing for 22 years now…

Me and Kaylie

When I became a mom back on March 24, 1989, I didn’t know what the heck I was doing. Poor Kaylie – she was a guinea pig in my learn-as-you-go world of motherhood. I made mistakes, as we all do. But seriously, somewhere along the way I had to do something right; because Kaylie has grown up to be this amazing, caring, loving, strong, determined, capable, beautiful woman. (I have so many more adjectives but I figured I should tone it down a bit, ha!) 

Kaylie (center) with high school girlfriends

From the start, Kaylie was confident, a leader, and a nonconformist. I remember when she was in 5^th grade she came home from school PIZZED. She told me she was playing with a group of girls on the playground, and another little girl wanted to join in. These two “stupid girls” in the group told her she couldn’t play with them because her “clothes didn’t match.” (This little girl wore hand-me-downs in pretty bad shape – the family was struggling.) Kaylie told those two “popular” girls that they were NOT the boss of the group, and then told the little girl to “come on, we’ll go play something else,” and walked off. A few other girls walked off with her/them. THAT’S my Kaylie… standing up for what’s right, not worrying about what anyone will think, never EVER shutting up when a wrong is being done to someone. I often wonder if that little girl remembers that day. I’m not even sure Kaylie does. But I do … I’ll never forget it. Sitting in the living room listening to her tell me this story – the passion in her eyes, the anger in her voice, the confidence she had, never once thinking how it could have outcasted HER from the “popular group” … it was one of my proudest moments as a mom.

Kerri, huggin' on her Mama

She is a mother herself now, and every time I see her in mommy-action I think… She’s a much better mom than I ever was at that age. How’d she get so good at it so quickly? Just a few minutes around her daughter, Kerri (have I mentioned I have the most beautiful grand-angel in the world?), and it’s easy to see that this baby is happy, healthy, LOVED, and well on her way to becoming an incredible woman, just like her Mama.

Kaylie - you are the light in my life and I love you more than you'll ever know. ~Mom 

My Gramma Passed Down the Strong-Woman Gene

If there is such a gene, we've got it. In my family there's not a wimpy female among us. Strong women... strong willed for sure, but it's more like we're all made of strong emotional building blocks stacked on a sound foundation. Our foundation's strength comes from the strong women before us -- teaching us along the way. (Alright already with the metaphors - geez.)

Okay so one of the women in my family who influenced me is my Gramma Lucy. My Mom's Mom. In all of my childhood memories of her, she's smiling (just like in this picture). She enjoyed life, saw the good in everyone, the humor in everything, and shared her wisdom with me often. 

 

I was about 8 years old when I told her I hated a boy in school who was mean to me. (Phillip - sheesh, what a jerk.) She told me I shouldn't hate him, that it's such a strong feeling, and that God doesn't want us to hate anybody. Then she leaned in close and whispered, "You can really, really 'not like' him, but try not to hate him." ...HA! You rock, Gramma.

Later on, during my oh-so-very dramaaaaatic teen years, I was complaining to her about a "friend" who had talked behind my back, lied about me, and blah blah freakin' waaaaaaah. Gramma looked me in the eyes and asked, "Why are you friends with her?" I didn't have an answer -- not one single reason. She talked a bit about how life is too short to put up with that crap. And then she said the words that have stuck with me for 30 years... "Surround yourself with those who make you smile."

At first it seems like a simple enough statement. Kind of an "awwww" moment. Sure. But if you let it sink in, say it a few times in your head, you might see that it's the smartest thing anyone has ever said in the history of people saying things. Uh huh. Sure is. It is without a doubt, my life's motto in a nutshell.

God needed Gramma in Heaven, unexpectedly, on June 16, 1987. (I'm still a little mad at Him for that, but I can't blame Him. She would be an incredible asset to any good-guy organization.) Her 3 daughters and 12 granddaughters are all amazing women today due in part to her influence. And because she helped shape us, her 7 great granddaughters (with another about to arrive!), and now even a great-great granddaughter (that's my grand-angel) are all amazing women in-the-making. I know she watches over us. And I know she's proud of us all -- not only our strength, but our bond to each other that is the glue of the entire family.

I wrote this poem (below) for the women in my family a few years ago. Thought I'd share it today.

Have a good one, y'all.

Jen

To the Females of Our Family:

The women in this family are the ties that make it strong

The reason that our family tree’s roots are deep and long

From Carol down to Laureli, and all of us in between

There is strength of character – you all know what I mean

The ones who came before us, and the little ones yet to arrive

The former our foundation, the latter too will strive

We’re there at a moment’s notice when any of us makes a call

Offering unquestioning support, never letting one of ours fall

Sometimes things can get crazy, but always we are there

It’s nothing short of priceless, this bond that we all share

I’m proud to be part of our circle, holding hands with you

I cherish where we come from, who we are, and what we do
I love you all with the whole of my heart.

XOXOXO, Love Jen

Copyright Jennifer Moody 2008

Find Yourself a Good Man - They're Out There, I Promise

After my divorce back in 1998, I spent (wasted) about a year in the dating world. Not really knowing what you want makes it hard to find it. I gave up looking and focused on bettering myself - educationally, religiously, emotionally. It was a good decision. I filled empty evenings with writing - mostly poetry and short stories. I'd share them with friends and family and enjoy the praise. :) Several poems were published in coffee table books. You could call it my year of reflection and personal growth (if you wanted to sound dorky).

Then, continuing my quest to edit my life one day at a time, I found myself scrolling through personal profiles late one night back in November 2000. Back then I was an AOL'er with a free profile on Love@aol.com. (This was big stuff back then - you never heard of anybody doing this, except of course the murdered victims that they talked about on the news.) Anyhoo... you could put in your criteria and search through the matches. You could also choose profiles with or without pictures. I purposely chose "without" because I wanted to read about them without seeing a picture, to see the inside first. Best decision I ever made.

That's when I came across Scott. I liked what he had to say on his profile so I sent him a message. Several emails and then phone calls later, we arranged to meet in person. Our first date was amazing - neither of us wanted it to end so we ended up drinking coffee in IHOP until 1am so we could keep talking. And since I wasn't murdered, like my mother and best friend were sure would happen, we continued dating.

During our get-to-know-you stage, I learned that Scott had been serving our country for (at the time) 19 years. (Brag break: He served a total of 22 with the U.S. Army.) He is the most proud man I've ever known. A true gentleman (not always easy to come by) who puts family first (that's a big'n for me). He's one of those guys who is always there for his friends, no matter what. He loves our daughter (from my first marriage) like she was his own biologically. He's supportive of everything that's important to me (including me cutting my income in half to pursue a dream). I'm telling you, he's always got my back.

So fast forward through 11 years past a wedding, a baby, a new (bigger) house, a couple of scary health issues / surgeries, and here we are... Happily married, with a good, solid, healthy relationship. Friends have teasingly called us the White Picket Fence Couple, but trust me, we're not. We work hard at our relationship. We're both devoted to its lifelong success.

My point in writing this post (gaaah, bet you're happy I'm getting to the point) is that there are good men out there. I had to weed through some to find Scott, but they're out there... if you know what you're looking for.  And THAT is my point. Figure yourself out first. Know who you are and where you want to be. Know exactly what it is you want - in a man, in a relationship, out of life. THEN, go get it. And do not settle.

You are 100% in control of your happiness.

Goodnight... from one half of a happy little couple. ...::inserts a corny little picture::...

My Brain Turned On at Around 30 Years Old

I spent my childhood and teen years like most everyone else ... having fun / acting like an idiot. But at some point that phase of life is over and you're a grownup. Let's say that's at age 20 (because really, who decided 18 years qualifies anyone as an adult?). Okay so 20 (which is still arguable, but we need a number here) ... what was I doing? I was married to a fool and expecting my first child. ::shakes head:: It's the ten "grown up" years from 20 to 30 that I really cannot account for. I had no real direction. I hated my job. I didn't know who the hell I was, where I was going, what I wanted -- in a relationship, as a career, out of life. But somewhere around 30 years old my brain turned on ...CLICK...

I got rid of the fool.

I enrolled in college and took random classes just so I would be IN a classroom and stop talking about how I'd LIKE to be in one. And I found out I could not get enough -- education became a sort of drug for me.

I went church shopping and found a church community where I fit in and could contribute. And I learned the true meaning of belonging.

...And I started writing. That's when everything click-click-clicked into place. I found out that I LOVED writing, and all of a sudden I knew where I was going, what I wanted to be, the kind of job I would enjoy doing. I could actually RESPOND when somebody said, "Tell me a little about yourself."

I finally knew who I was ... I was Jennifer, the Writer.